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Mar. 21st, 2009 @ 11:40 am Married Man
Current Mood: Indescribably Happy!
We are married!
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Mar. 5th, 2009 @ 07:38 pm I'm getting Married!
No I won't tell you when.

I'll offer you a reason why... in a quote from Danni the Crowbar, "Pet you co-works. It lowers your blood pressure!"

Yup. I love this woman.
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Jan. 18th, 2009 @ 11:47 am I started making bread...
Current Mood: loved
But not any bread. Banana bread. Then banana bread w/ chunks. That didn't work out so well. Then Acorn Squash Bread w/ fresh ground ginger, molasses, and chopped pecans. Addictive. Way too delicious. So a cake w/o sugar is basically bread. No wonder I was so confused a couple of months ago. Glad I got that sorted out. It is odd how I find my way sometimes. I enjoy that my perception of Life seems to be about making problems for myself only to find that I can't. I can however try something new, and it often surprises me that it relates to what I was doing all along. That is how I get perspective.

When we first started dating my intended asked me what Honor was. It's different for everyone, and I tried to enumerate the 'rules' that I try to abide. Reading more is great for questions like that. Honor is trust. If you are trustworthy, you are honorable. If you think you are honorable, but aren't trustworthy - think hard about why not. You might not be right about one or the other.

Trust is an interesting thing. Trust = truth. Truth = beauty. To thine own self be true, right? To thine own self be beautiful, no? How about trust yourself, the rest will follow? Do you have to trust in a universe, a being, other than yourself? I don't think so, but personification helps. We are creatures of metaphor, understanding our world first through our senses, then beyond. I've repeatedly questioned the accepted fact that there are things we can't perceive with five senses. Everyone has a sixth sense, you can't touch happiness or depression. Freedom, hope, joy, love, that sense that exists just beyond the ache of a well used body... yet I feel them. Should I question my feelings so? These are things I can't touch, taste, smell, see, or hear with out metaphor. The things I trust.
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Nov. 9th, 2008 @ 07:40 pm Campout
Back from camp out! Yay Pallace!

*phew* was I wiped out? Some muscles are sore more than others... I need to run up hill more often. Other muscles feel like they've had the rust beat off of them... and beat we did! Drum circle rocked! Wow did I ever feel creative and involved. And its going to continue! 7pm-10pm at a different place each week TBA on Tuesdays. Drum and Beer Corpse! DAB Corp., not to be confused with BAD (that would be putting your beer first). A group / email thing will go up later. I'm just posting because I'm excited and feeling creative and hyper and showered. I'm hoping and intending this to be the equivalent of session drumming with lots of 'other' mixed in for texture, layer, and keeping that 'thing' that we found around the circle going.
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Sep. 28th, 2008 @ 11:05 pm News in my head reads weird
On a typical tour of the White House today something strange happened half-way through. A group in regular business attire were more than they seemed. The details include specially designed briefcases that converted into a pop-up circus tent. Within this changing room, clowns started appearing. Approximately a dozen of the tours attendees were wearing tear away suits that contained non-other than Clown costumes. The juggling, unicycle, and balloon animal acts all ceased as they were escorted away. When asked what this was all about, one clown stepped forward to explain:
"We are the clowns behind this administration. We've decided the fun has gone on long enough, and that we're very sorry for this joke. We take full credit for the charade that has been this present Administration. We thought it was funny at the time. We now turn all our powers back over to American Democratic process. Again, we're sorry for the joke. We were just clowning around."
Now back to you Bob.
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Sep. 10th, 2008 @ 01:28 am Latest Haiku
Current Mood: accomplished
Have half a brain?
Just give me the cold shoulder.
Zombie Singles Ad

never like roses
but sometimes it smells like toast
my shit's confusing

the computer died
exhaling with its last breath
the magic blue smoke

 
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Aug. 31st, 2008 @ 04:07 pm The distribution of awesome
Current Mood: impressed
post party...

Least number of beer bottles:
bathroom - 1
Most:
'Red' Room - 12+
Most not empty:
table side front porch

Rooms where cloths were found discarded, most to least:
Dancing Room, Green Room, Back Yard, Star bar.

Most plastic cups:
Red Room

Number of 'revealing' bird photos sent to Alex:
10 = 50% gender split

Skittles-Vodka experiment:
Purple - gone, found in front room
Orange - least quanity remaining, also found in front room
Yellow - Starbar, most quantity remainging (it was the yellow shot that fucked me up)
Green - Front porch... un-drunk shot next to it
Red - Starbar, stained everything that it came into contact with. Including counter.
Control - barely touched, and normal Tito's Vodka

Dozens of bouncy balls scattered around the house. Lennin shrine-shopping cart, Condoms mixed in with pot'o'gold chocolate coins.  6 cheap vodka bottles, all at various levels, none below half. 4 Whisky bottles, three empty. Windosor was missing ~1/8th. Two recyclein bins full of beer bottles. Comrad name tags found in Red room, Kiss me I'm Irish tags found everywhere. Last party guest to arrive - 2am, leave ?? All the marshmellows in the Lucky Charms munchies - gone, cereal remains. The tater-tots never got made, the oven didn't work. Many hang-overs, outs, unders...

One Leprechauns vs. Lennins party.

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Aug. 2nd, 2008 @ 07:40 pm Mission adopt a Zombie
Current Mood: amused
Where: In front of the un-leased store next to PetCo at the Hancock Shopping Plaza

What: Just like the folks who bring dogs out in pens for folks to adopt, we're thinking some slow moving trainable Zs need good homes too!
Supplies list:
4 road cones
4 tall dowels or broom stick handles
Orange Construction 'fencing'
Staple gun
Polo's with 'Adopt a Z' logo (for the Z re-hab associates!)
2 body bags
Zombies
Zombie adopting families
Clipboards
Fabreeze

So we set up a basic Pen just large enough to keep 4 or 5 Zs wandering around standing up. The assistants are very nice and never break character about how cool a Z is for a pet. They are trainable, vegetarian (they don't know its gummy strawberries, not bits of organ like it looks), and the smell really isn't a problem. Also, they make great temporary pets for folks who have trouble raising other critters. "You can't kill them, really." We'll start the day off by bringing a Z out in a body bag. When we lay it down in the pen, we step back around the corner to get another. The Z struggles a bit, then stands up. When we bring out the next Z, we grab the bag from under fence. Some Zs are smart enough to know tricks. Most revolve around things like, "Speak Z! Speak!" .... "BraaaaAAAaaaaains."

Adopting couples sign a waiver and walk happily away with their Z. Or Scream and get 'chased.' Thats playing with them! We may even have an extra polo for a fresh 'Adopt a Z' Z.

When: TBA (weather is too hot right now, but that just gives us time to prep make-up and supplies."
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Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 12:54 am D&D background sketch: Gadget the Artificer
Current Mood: nerdy
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Jul. 3rd, 2008 @ 04:21 pm How I liked Hawai'i, in some kinda Prose-poem thing
Current Mood: enthralled
The word Hawai'i now makes me think
 of hula skirts and smiling people.
Blue has a new definition.
 And though I grew up near the shores
 of the largest freshwater lakes in the world,
I now feel how light, warm, and wet 
Earth really is. Earth,
she's some kinda woman
Hawai'ian Islands are jewels she wears.
As a water sign I now identify
with a bigger manifestation
of my element... a  whole lot bigger. 
I'm starting to feel reminded of the moon
 but in the summer you rarely see her
 not realizing sometimes you don't realize it.
(it just depends on how late your out, or early your up)
 I feel like I'm in the summer of my life.
I'm starting the halfway point of a revolution.
I've accepted that my life is going to be hot for a while.
It's a good place to be.
That is what Hawaii was for me.
An epiphany of my past, present, and near future.
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Jul. 3rd, 2008 @ 04:05 pm Mental Ramblings of a Sane man
Current Mood: amused

Sane;
  1. Of sound mind; mentally healthy: “their protector, the strongest and sanest of them all” (Pat Conroy).
  2. Having or showing sound judgment; reasonable
Insanity is a sane reaction to an insane world.

Pandora utilizes an intelligent search algorithm to organize music in a manner predictable by user feedback. It could also easily be reversed to collect pure demographic data by applying an algorithm to the habitual consumer demographics of said music and apply the search to the user base, achieving yet another amazingly precise consumer indexing for reference by whom? Who actually would care what the next level of resolution achievable by further knowing your target audience? Who would actually need that? Do "They" care? Do they really exist!? Or are They just a legal entity? I was thinking about legal entities the other day and I realized that they tend to represent whole collectives of people working to a particular end. The way these companies are constructed is not unlike the common sub-cellular elements that exist in nature. Yet they act as both a primitive type of organization - in comparison to the organization that the human species itself acts on and toward all of natural order. Whoa! Natural Order. WTF! Okay. so.... I just realized I'm of the opinion that Natural Order is entirely subjective. Train of thought crashed five minutes late of 3:15 MST
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Jun. 12th, 2008 @ 02:20 pm Ucells trump Ice-cream in the bad way
Current Mood: lethargic
"All you need is love elves."
1) To mass produce really comfortable shoes for you.
2) Every toy in the world. 'nuff said
3) To help you defeat Mordor

I found me!
I was on my pillow. I needed sleep. The background on that is I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in over two weeks. I'm not entirely centered yet, but there was only grains of truth. Now there is flower, and soon egg. I think I'm cake in the works. But I don't want to use sugar for whatever reason - economy, ecology? I'll figure it out.

Now that my brain is a little less muddled, what I've been struggling with is a series of conflicting desires. I'm getting married in a about a year, I'd like to live with my fiance before then - but cannot due to other commitments on both of our parts. I want to go back to school for Product / Industrial Design, but there is not a college in Texas that offers those programs. I could go back for Design (basic BA) - but I'd rather not go to UT again. I want to move abroad, but I want to pay off my UT student loans first. I want to work on Flipside stuff, but I'm all  talk and even more burnt-out on the subject. I want to see people, but I don't want to have the same conversations over and over again. I'd like entertainment, but I'm too fidgety to sit still and enjoy. I want to be challenged, but I also want invulnerability. That really sums up why and how my previous post came into being. Identity is a hard thing to reconcile, especially when you're idle from indecision.

Additionally, I designed something for work today. Nothing fancy, or even artistic. But it improved efficiency immediately. Upside, I'm going to document it, develop it more, and put it in my portfolio. Downside, by  employee / employer agreement all inventions I create while working for PPD, inc. belong to PPD, inc. within so much as the scope of the company. Considering that this is basically a portable tube holder for proprietary use with a particular analyzer - it pretty much instantly became PPD property. Else wise, I still get credit for designing and implementing it. Then I got to thinking, and I've also make two kinds of pen holders, documents, and a file system that keeps papers upright (instead of slumping in the hanging file folders). None of these are actually marketable though, and fall more in the scope of 'huh, that's cool.'
The only downside I can really mention about work, I think my co-workers want to be my friend. Terrifying. I actually like my job, and they pay me well. Another conflict to going back to school.
 
-BTW
Thanks for the Rumi, and thanks for traveling this trail already. If I replied directly to your post it would make your comment visible and I like keeping peoples' comments off the broadcast mode. But I also want people to know - We've got a great Tribe.
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Jun. 11th, 2008 @ 08:34 pm Names
Current Mood: uncomfortable
What does it mean when you notice you don't like to be around people? It isn't that I don't like people. I just don't want to be around them. Strangely, it becomes easier everyday to avoid them. I first notice with a few dead days after flipside, that I didn't have the inclination to be around people. Selecting only a few that I shared flipside with, my flipside - not the character I decided to become. Gradually, I stopped going home. Alternating weeks between my fiance's place and mine, this wasn't unusual either. But I don't want to go home. Dancy House feels very transitory right now. Like the discarded husk of a cycadid clutching to some knee high scrub to be blown into dust at any moment. With the simple perspective that one's home is precarious. That I can not only survive, but thrive without complaint in the heat and humidity... I'm muddled now. I'm still somewhere between Flipside and Home. Somewhere they got mixed up. Some how I expected my environment to be filled with people who acknowledge each other differently - and I never recovered. I'm surrounded by strangers when I leave the house. I have to talk to people who both desperately want to be known, yet don't want to know. I feel I have to make a transaction with everyone I notice - and I notice alot. In the presence of beauty I found some sort of truth in the world. That X number of people heading in one direction didn't have to have a limit, and would always approach but never reach true chaos. We all headed somewhere. Then we stopped. I went 'home.' I visited people weary of slipping into 'Freak-speak' without a translator present. I paid bills shifting constantly through characters and noises in my brain and made myself happy again. Then I worked the morning shift. I have to sleep before the sun sets, and wake before I feel its touch again. My brain hurts, I can't sleep like this. It is too quiet, too dark, too cold, too alone, too crowed, too everything. I'm more now than I've ever been and I don't know what currency or denomination I'm in. I couldn't fit behind the mask of who I was, and I don't know who I am. I didn't realize it until I couldn't get the mask on again. I couldn't pull of the same Ant that friends knew. I can't even pull off Anthony J Dalton, the legal name on all forms of identification, at the grocery store without flinching. I came down at Flipside to the song "Who am I?" and I realize just now... I've never cared to ask, am is a being verb - and I've always been in motion doing. Now, for the first time I feel like I've done something - only I don't know what it is yet, or what it means, or what it will do next. What I will do next. The question came back unanswered.

I keep coming back to Art. If I had to do it over? ... could I?
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May. 30th, 2008 @ 10:51 pm ^_^
Current Mood: cheerful
Flipside was a great success. I already miss it, yet I'm glad to have thoughts on other things. I'm not sure yet what those thoughts consist of... I keep thinking about next year. Next year. I miss Next Year. Everything to be had, the end goals, have been reached. It is the details I want to get into. I guess I just feel like I should have done more. And with that, one weekend out of a month, without excuses, I'll build something for Flipside next year. These will be my "Make" sessions. I'll employ my knowledge and study of industrial/product design - I'm going to study what I can on my own before I go back to school. Outside of that, I'm free and available for hangin' out again. Yay Freetime!
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Apr. 3rd, 2008 @ 10:54 am Rambling
Current Mood: weird
I was asked today, what would happen if all of the incredible beauty of the world were lost? All of the flowers of indescribable colors, The clouds spinning by in the sky? I added, the ironic smell of clean dirt?

My reply didn't take long. I'd rebuild it. I modified that to say the survivors would rebuild it. I intend to survive, I intend to plant, sow, and purify therein. I don't buy into apocalyptic soothsayers. I'd rather they expedite their journey toward whatever makes them happiest, and may it be far away from me and my world. I hold beauty dear, an archive of it within a part of me. I was born of the enders, but given a seed of at the beginning of my youth, it is germinating. In a quarter of a century it is barely a seedling in a seedling forest. I am still in my youth, as I will be for a long time, I recognize this and will fill my patience with knowledge of the how of beauty and truth. There are others like me, as we mature there will be more of us, and more of us, and more of us. I intend to pass this on to my children with the knowledge of how to pass it on to theirs. We will steal the Taker's children's hearts. We will plant seeds within, and we will nurture the beauty. That will become my world and my world will never be lost.
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Mar. 29th, 2008 @ 06:34 am Its 6am
Current Mood: ecstatic
I've been up for two hours. I have a hang-out at work. Lazy isn't what you can be in a lab that specializes in pharmaceutical research, but we as a crew are making an effort to doing our job as stress free as possible. Samples trickle in. All I can think of, all I obsess about, is Flipside.

I've checked my e-mail, looked at the latest changes to our shared documents for membership. Check the burningflipside website to see if we can register our camp yet, knowing I cannot as I'm on the announcement list and it hasn't been announced yet. I've already fretted over the two members we cannot get in contact with, rejoiced again over the members out of town who seem so far away - but so intent on ensuring that we here know how excited and committed they are. I've thought about the art that I've built in my mind, but cannot afford construction materials just yet - budgeted in for the end of April. I've resisted the urge to start an agenda for the meeting this afternoon - there are only three things to talk about, then I turn the work over to our "Leads."

I re-read a post that eloquently states, better than I could have, the religion that is creation. Specifically, creation of art. I don't know what art is, but I know it when I Feel it. I know it as the fundamental essence that defines Soul for me. It has been my religion for a long time, and yet I still feel it coming. A change within manifesting changes without, eddies of probability flowing out into a multiverse of mediums, palettes, and brush strokes. Changes in my life are simple by comparison: I've lost weight; my eating habits are different now to reduce waste, both the world's and mine own; I have a career; I have a future with the woman I love. A change, a reinvention of myself, a spark awakening the Pheonix within. That ever metamorphic Scorpion-Eagle cycle of myself reflected in the Ouroborus of the Universe. I haven't felt my wings in quite some time, but they are awakening again, settling about my shoulders in a mantel of anticipation that will soon coalesce into the power of Self, and that in turn will lead to even more dynamic facets of manifest expression. I've adopted a new motto: I am more.
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Jan. 2nd, 2008 @ 10:13 pm Humble Request
Current Mood: optimistic
I have a personal request on someone else's behalf...

My mother needs Community. That is about as short and blunt a head as I can put on it. Orange, Tx is not the place for personal growth. She is "starved for conversation." This is the woman who managed to raise me Catholic while simultaneously encouraging me to explore and learn about other religions and paths, without being hypocritical about it. She is interested in the "broom closet," and would like meet with anyone who can help her start on a new path in spirit ( and I hope in life). She'll be in town Sun - Tues, January 6th - 8th.

Please comment if you have time available, I'd like to make her feel welcome to our community. As always, all comments are screened from public automatically.

BTW - she is married and looking for platonic connection, not an SO.
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Dec. 30th, 2007 @ 11:49 pm a wandering Know
Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Lemon Jelly via Pandora
Sometimes I wonder how I fell into the sky, some silvery moon lit night
And drowned in its velvet violet depths, a drop in a bucket of stars
A stone on the never bottom of deep up, a sparkle in eye of a happy woman
--- It's then I realize I was lost in her eyes, her.
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Dec. 19th, 2007 @ 08:56 am a What?
Current Mood: amused
https://shop.bk.com/detail.aspx?ID=2

click for the description...

but what I really want to know is why i'm able to find weird shit like this?

then it got worse -
http://www.subservientchicken.com/
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Dec. 9th, 2007 @ 02:50 am Santa Rampage!!!
Current Mood: amused
A badass time to be sure:

check out my photos in my photobucket -
http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/eclectic_ant/

click slideshow for best viewing
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